In a perfect world, every restaurant and event would be able to accommodate everyone’s life-threatening allergies. However, until we get to that world, I am my best and most important advocate. I try to keep this space a positive one, but I have been reflecting on negative allergy experiences I’ve had, and want to share two examples on why, if you’ve recently developed allergies, it’s important to advocate for what you need and know is right for you.

First, a long while ago my family and I went to a restaurant where I asked about chicken dish that had a cream sauce on it. Based on the description, it seemed like a grilled chicken dish, so I asked about the sauce. The waitress checked with the chef and came back to assure me the sauce was safe. When the dish was placed in front of me, I was surprised to see the chicken was fried.

I pointed it out to the waitress who said “oh yeah, that’s probably an egg batter.”

Cool.

I sent the dish back and she went to the kitchen, and when she came back she said the chef claimed I only asked about the sauce so he “didn’t check the rest.” BIG yikes. If someone says they have an allergy, it’s important to check the whole dish. We spoke with the manager who promised updated training and an updated menu, but we haven’t been back since.

If something lands on your plate, and alarm bells go off, trust your gut.

On the other side, sometimes waitstaff can claim to know your allergy too well. As I mentioned, I have an egg allergy, but I can have dairy just fine. I went to a comedy club in Los Angeles a few years ago, and ordered the cheese quesadilla. I asked the waiter to check and make sure the tortilla didn’t have egg (since the rest was just literally cheese). When he returned the exchange went something like this:

Waiter: Unfortunately, I can’t bring you the quesadilla.

Me: Oh, there’s egg in the tortilla?

Waiter: No, there’s no egg in it at all. But it has dairy in it.

Me: Oh no, I can have dairy, I just can’t have eggs.

Waiter: No, you can’t. Eggs are dairy.

Me: Eggs may be under the dairy category but eggs and cheese are different things. One comes from a chicken and one comes from a cow.

Waiter: No they’re not. You can’t have this.

Me: Yes I can, sir. If there are no eggs and just cheese, I can have it.

Waiter: I’m just looking out for you.

Me: I understand, but I have had my allergy for 23 years, and have eaten cheese my whole life. Tell you what, bring me the quesadilla, and if I go into anaphylactic shock, I won’t sue you guys.

As predicted, I ate the cheese and was absolutely fine. It was actually a pretty good quesadilla. But it’s another example of how sometimes you need to fight to get food establishments to listen to you.

Have you ever had an experience like this?